Where are we going? And what’s with this hand basket?

As you’ve probably heard, comedian George Carlin has died. Very sad. Here are a few good Carlin zingers. Well, more than a few…

You have to stay in shape. My mother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She’s 97 now and we have no idea where she is.

If the “black box” flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn’t the whole damn airplane made out of that shit?

Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?

A lot of times when they catch a guy who killed twenty-seven people, they say, “He was a loner.” Well, of course he was a loner; he killed everyone he came in contact with.

Some people see things that are and ask, Why?
Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not?
Some people have to go to work and don’t have time for all that shit.

There’s a lot of little phrases in the language that don’t say what they mean. Take a shit is one. You don’t take a shit, you leave a shit. That’s the whole idea! To leave it!

Have you noticed that most of the women who are against abortion are woman that you wouldn’t want to fuck in the first place?

“When someone is impatient and says, “I haven’t got all day,” I always wonder, How can that be? How can you not have all day?”

“The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I’m just not close enough to get the job done.”

Wow. He was amazing, right? He definitely influenced Mitch Hedberg, another one of my favorite comedians. Also dead. Hmmm….