Random Thoughts of Today.

In no particular order, here are some things on my mind lately:

• I hate Manny Ramirez. 

• I have come to the realization that Kanye’s “Gold Digger” is a highly underrated song. I don’t actually know if I like the damn thing, but it does cause a strong emotional reaction every time I hear it so…. Anyhow, for three weeks, I hadn’t turned on the TV with le baby. (This is because my mother is a communist, didn’t let me watch a lot of TV growing up, and because of her, I often forget that it’s normal to watch TV. Also, most parents don’t want you plopping their infant in from of the boob tube while you eat all their food and watch The Young and the Restless.) But the other day I gave in, because I wanted to watch the news.
         Le baby was totally mesmerized by the screen. She had a stuffed turtle in her mouth and was giggling her ass off at Nancy Pelosi. It was pretty great. So, now I let myself watch Ellen every morning, because I figure that Ellen gives out positive vibes, and no child could be harmed in the process. Blah, blah, blah, they always play music at the beginning of that show after Ellen does her opening bit, and then she dances and the audience dances and it’s so super great, and the other day the DJ started playing Golddigger as the morning song. And before I even knew what I was doing, I had picked le baby off the floor, put her up on my hip, and then was DANCING around the living room and LOUDLY SINGING along to the song, as if I honestly had no other choice in the matter. Le baby was laughing her ass off and totally into Kanye and I was having a really great time. Then it dawned on me what was I doing, and what the current status of my life was, and I had to hold back from opening her parent’s liquor cabinet and making myself a stiff drink. Oh, I can still recall one of the first times I heard that song….I was in a shuttle going to A FACKIN LAMDA CHI FRAT PAATAY with my roommate, wearing a hideous jean skirt and a Forever 21 top, windows down, early fall breeze blowing, and drinkinnnn ‘Crat out of a plastic diet sprite bottle. FAAACKIN COLLEGE JUST tryin’ to haaaaang outtttttt.

• Speaking of being a middle-aged woman, I stumbled across one of my old Fiona Apple CDs yesterday, put that ish on my computer straight away, and let me tell ya, that shit is bananas! I forget how much I loved Ms. Apple’s crazy female angst! Seriously. She is terrific. I was jamming out to F.A. on my iPod while pushing baby around the lake, and looking at geese and thinking about the election, and I suddenly realized that Hillary must totally love Fiona’s song “Limp.” I’d even go so far to say that it’s probably her theme song as of late. Well, you listen and be the judge. (A warning to all men: you may find her music highly terrifying, but I still think you should hear it. It’s a good reminder for you that all women are CRAZY.) Oh, and ignore the super weird Anime video. Or don’t.

 

So call me crazy hold me down!!!! Uh…..I feel like Claire Danes in My So-Called Life when I listen to this shit!!!

• Moving on to the topic of zen living: I recently have had a breakthrough. And I will be kind enough to share my Buddhist insight with you plebeians: there is nothing in life more “centering” than the experience of losing one of your contact lenses. Yesterday during nap time, as I was looking at realclearpolitics.com, and drooling on my laptop, and rubbing my eyes bc I’m allergic to le baby family’s DAMN CATS (one of their cats HAS. ONE. EYE. And, yes, the one-eyed cat stalks me), my contact fell out of my eye. Suddenly I became like the Dalai Lama crossed with James Bond. Your brain just sort of zeroes in in those moments, esp. when you’re alone. I was like, “I must find my contact I must find my contact I must remain calm it could be anywhere slowly use one eye to look at laptop no not there okay look on jeans graze hand over jeans do not move your feet do not make any sudden movements must find contact must find contact just put in new contacts yesterday can not afford to lose such a fresh new contact friend okay do not panic it’s been thirty seconds everyone knows that as the seconds tick on by the likelihood of finding contact decreases but one can not panic slowly drop to your knees and use your left hand to graze floor for small clear slightly wet half sphere object FUCK THERE IS CAT HAIR ALL OVER THE FLOOR AND THE DAMN ONE EYED CAT IS NOW APPROACHING….yeah…..it was a really centering moment. I even totally forgot about the election and my lack of a life plan! I think I am going to try and lose my contacts more often.

• I have become aware that Angelina Jolie is on the cover of the new W, and that inside the mag has a spread of her and the children, and ALL THE PHOTOS HAVE BEEN TAKEN BY BRAD. I know. I know. Remain calm people. And it’s okay, if like me, you are simultanously disgusted by Brad and Angie’s super strange we-have-a-million-babies-and-houses-look-at-us publicity/sort of want to buy twenty copies of the mag and plaster your wall with photos of Maddox and Z. Screw Suri. Shiloh is where it’s at.

• Just finished reading the novel The Known World by Edward Jones. Highly, highly recommend it, especially if you like historical fiction. But even if not…well, I’m a horrible book-describer, but Jones weaves in so many characters and plot lines and themes into this novel; and it’s fast-paced and incredibly moving. Blah, blah, blah it also won a Pulitzer Prize. Read it, and come over for tea to discuss!!
   

• Also, my acting teacher told me, in front of the entire class last week, that I’m “attractive,” but would make “an equally handsome boy.” I know, right!! Isn’t that what every woman wants to hear!

• Speaking of women, I have to post one more Fiona vid. I am having a new found love affair with her. That voice is simply in-cre-DEE-BLAY, and this song is much happier and actually sort of about being in love. Well, it’s sort of creepy actually. Yeah, it definitely is. And there is this totally tranny line in it that I love bc it’s so crazy female. The line is: “he says it’s all in your head, and I say so is everything, but he didn’t get it.” Ha! She is a genius! I love this song.