BREAKING NEWS

Um, a liberal weiner like me talking about how silly and insane and not-newsy Fox News is is sort of….um, old news, but I can’t help it. I will beat that dead horse until it’s deader than it was five years ago!

I’ve been watching it lately while feeding le baby and it’s like, you can’t make this stuff up! I understand that the news I get is biased too-aka the commie NY Times and New Yorker-but at least they try to hide the bias. A little bit it. Those goons at Fox News could care less. They’re just like, “Ahhhhhh! Obama is black! He can’t be President! Ahhhhhhhh!”

If people want to watch that shit and think they’re getting news, fine. But I wonder about them anchors. How can live with themselves? Well, they probably all make six-figures, so that’s how, but still if you’re going to go into the news business, why go to Fox? I was just feeding the baby prunes because she’s constipated (yes, like red in the face and groaning constipated) and it was 8:45 in the morning (sort of a prime news time to deal with real issues no?) and these three Fox anchors are sitting on the couch talking about some town somewhere giving away free pizza for Obama signs or something like that. I actually don’t know what they were talking about; it was that unclear. But it involved signs and pizza. They were shaking their heads in a grave matter and were all like “this is a threat to American democracy.”  One of them actually said something like, ”it’s shocking but nothing you wouldn’t expect from Obama supporters.” Um, are we talking about pizza here? Or me not being able to ever get a funking loan for the rest of my life? GOONS ALL OF THEM. Sometimes I think they must be acting. They’re definitely all hoovering a lot of TUMS during the commerical break. How can you go on air and talk about this crap and not feel like a funking idiot?

Then they cut to a preview of their next story after the commercial break: “Who has the experience to lead?” As a voice-over questioned what characteristics the next President will need, FOX showed tape of Obama greeting some of his supporters in a barber shop somewhere. Everyone on the tape was black. I mean, I was just terrified by what I saw. Obama was shaking hands and hanging with so many homies, and he just can’t lead like that. He can’t. He’s going to install a barber shop in the White House and play chess all day! The man is lazy!!!!!! He plays chess with terrorists!!!!!!! And he likes pizza!!!! PIZZA WITH TERRORISTS!!!!! THAT’S WHAT WE’RE IN FOR AMERICA!!!!!!!!

Shall I go on? O-kay then.

Last week, again watching le Fox, they had two dudes on-one token liberal, one token conservative-discussing something useless like Internet freedom of speech or something. They were going back and forth with the moderator anchor dude, neither saying anything remotely interesting. Then the anchor said time to wrap up, and it seemed like the crazy screaming liberal was getting the last word. So the conservative, out of nowhere, just started yelling “Barack Hussein Obama! Barach Hussein Obama!”

For a second I thought maybe I was confused and watching SNL, instead of a major news network. Even the FOX anchor was laughing. He was like “Oh, Steve, why’d you have to do that? You just undermined all your valid points.” (The conservative man’s name was not Steve, but, well, you get the idea.) But anchorman didn’t seem to upset, mostly just “aww shucks” amused. The FOX newsie are used to vitrol like that. It’s cute to them. Steve himself stayed up on screen for a few moments after his yelling, mostly looking constipated.

So yeah, aligning yourself, and your news source, with “thinkers” whose only method of argument is to yell out “Barack Hussein Obama” like they have a brain twitch or something, makes me very annoyed. What ever happened to honesty? For instance, I am an elitest liberal who drinks soy milk, and thus I support Democrats. I also try to read numerous newspapers (go to realclearpolitics.com), and examine why I hold the biases I do. But I would never say that if you vote for McCain in November you’re a racist (that’s hippity-hogwash). You probably care about taxes, or want someone with experience, considering how well it’s worked out the last time we went with new-comer. (Oh, that Gov. Bush is just so down-to-earth! DUI SchmeeUI! He’ll be a great leader!)

 However, if your only line of defense for your support of McCain-Palin is to start chanting Obama’s middle name and shitting your pants, a la Steve, a spade is a spade, and you’re a racist.

(Yes, a completely useless post. As Miranda says in The Devil Wears Prada, “Florals for Spring? Groundbreaking.”)

At least Shep Smith is hot. I’ll give FOX viewers that. YUM.