Welcome to Baaastan

I plan to post later about my weekend in NYC, but first I wanted to discuss the scene I encountered on my T ride home last night. From what I witnessed, the following conclusion was made, and hold on to your horses, because it’s a doozie:

People from Boston are probably the most annoying shit heads that have ever existed.
And yet I love them.

Last night was the home opener for the Bruins. The Bruins lost. (Shocking, I know.)

 

As I left South Station around ten-thirty, I caught a Red Line train to head home.

The car was packed with Bruins fans of all shapes, sexs and sizes. It was practically a cult meeting of Bruins peeps, but this was not too odd, as much of Boston appears to be part of a cult, depending on the sports season. This is usually something I love, but last night I ended up choosing to sit in the car filled with the drunkiest, most annoying Bruins fans that have probably ever existed.

Within two seconds of sitting down, one very loud, very intoxicated young man began to chant, and his chanting would continue to last for the entire twenty-five minute ride home. The fellow was part of a large group of yewts, and in my sleep deprived haze I guessed they were about sixteen. They were all drinking out of soda bottles and had little facial hair, so it seemed like a fair estimate.

The charming young man’s chant went as followed:

FUCK THE RA-AYS.
FUCK THE RA-AYS.
JETER CAN SUCK-IT.
JETER CAN SUCK-IT.
LET’s GO CELTICS.
LET’s GO CELTICS.

Now, there were elderly folk and some small children on this T. It was also sort of late. A few people were getting visibly pissed off. The kid was screaming, and also seemed on the verge of throwing up. I was enjoying the whole thing, that is until I heard the lone girl with the group of guys (who was definitely trying to pull of the “I-can-roll-with-the-bros” thing-bless her heart with a Palin wink!), announce to a questioning passenger that they were all students at Curry College. Fuck, I’m old, I thought. They looked like babies. They were in college! How can they be so young! And drunk!

They were so drunk. I know I said that like twice already, but it was amazing to watch. And to listen to. Quite a heavy amount of slurring. Apparently, the group had not made it into the game because tickets were hard to scalp, but they still had ended up at a bar in the North End, and to quote the lovely young lady, “we all got wicked schwasted.” (Ah, the days of being wicked schwasted on Monday night.)

About two minutes after Miss I-Roll-With-The-Bros filled the stranger in, a fight started to break out. It was unclear to me if this was a fight between two drunk friends, or a fight between an ass clown and an actual stranger attempting to silence the ass clown. Based on logic, I would go with the stranger option, but these turkeys were not logical, and thus much more likely to be trying to beat each other up.Thankfully, it was broken up by an especially astute young man (yo chill dude, CHILL-cue the bulging eye balls and heavy breathing and boys whispering sweet nothings to each other about “calming the fuck down.”) I was even lucky enough to have one of the riled up young gents walk away from the fracas and stand right by me. He jabbed at the air with his fists for awhile like he was a boxer, muttering something to himself about being ready to “fuck shit up”, all the while grinning madly.

Hot damn! So. Much. Testosterone. And all on the T! Like, I think every single one of those nineteen year old boys was ready to kill someone. It was uber sexy. Very Matt Damon as Will Hunting, and so refreshing after seeing so many Belgian hipsters in NYC.

But the best part of the experience had to be listening to the two men standing directly above me. They were probably in their early thirties, and judging by their faded  Bruins Jerseys, they were real fans. One of them, in that lovely thick Boston accent we all know so well, smiled in that I-am-amused-yet-angry way throughout the kids screaming match, and spoke with his friend. “Oh, let’s go Celtics? Yeah, were where you three years ago ya little twerp? Just you wait till the fuckin’ Bruins get good and all these shits start acting like they care. You wait. That kid better close his mouth.”

The whole ride was splendid, but God forbid anyone from outside Boston was in that car. No wonder people hate our city.