EARTH TO CHINA

Um…..

So my brother is missing. He high-tailed it to China like nine months ago and since then has been super MIA. You might recall me writing about him a few posts ago. You probably assume, like me, that he’d read my witty words, felt guilty, and promptly responded with a long and thoughtful email. YEAH NO. I still got nothing. I feel very Titanic right now, towards the end. You know, “Is there anyone alive you there???? Can you heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeear me?????”

I mean JEEEEZ Alex. If you ever want me to come to Shanghai and rock my new fierce heels and prance around with you being extra tall and drinking leeychee martinis, then you better respond. (That’s all you do in China, right?) In your defense, Mom did just pop in the room to tell me that you called this morning and we were both sleeping and being lazy, but really that’s not going to cut it. I mean, WHEN IF EVER are you coming home? Christmas? How was your birthday overseas? Was it as fun as the one below? I DOUBT IT.

Can you actually speak Chinese now, or are you just fooling us and going on youtube a lot, per usual? Are any of your friends filmmakers and want to put me in their movie sort of a like a Scar Jo “Lost in Translation” type of thing??? Have you quit smoking? How is the smog? HOLY CRAP I CANT BELIEVE YOU LIVE IN CHINA. Occasionally, I remember this WITHIN remembering it (it’s a pretty out of body experience, I’ll tell ya) and it blows my mind! It’s pretty cool, really. Oh, also at Michael’s graduation party yesterday, one of Tata’s friends asked me if it’s really hard for me having you living all the way in China. She was nice, so I tried not to laugh in her face. I sort of explained that the last time we lived in the same house together you had a mural of Britney Spears pictures on your wall, and I was eleven. But whatever, let’s just prove her RIGHT, and start talking ALL THE TIME, so that I DO MISS you. That way, I can cajole one of the rents to put me on a plane and we’ll celebrate xmas or thanksgiving together sans them (so much drama with those two ANYWAY) and we can eat sushi or whatever and be like totally generation Y about it! (Are we generation y? See this is why I need you around. To point me in the right direction….)

Awwww. Also, have you seen The Hangover? It’s overrated in my opinion, and I feel confused that people keep saying it’s the funniest movie they’ve ever seen. I mean, yes, IT IS funny, but I also think the movie Sideways is pretty funny, you know? And what is the movie situation over there? You probably own like a billion pirated DVD’s right now. You are such a pirate, Alex!

Anyhow, I’ve remodeled the whole fridge in your honor. See.

(Evidence towards the middle of how much you love me. You’re KISSING me on the head. I mean, what a premonition of constant email dialogue riiiiight??? Also, you’re looking pretty fierce in that wool sweater, holding Aaron. It doesn’t exactly scream “I will grow up and move to China” but it’s close enough.)

I plan to show the whole blogosphere some of your photos soon, which I will steal from your website. (My bro is a photographer. We are very artsy-crafty people, as you can see.) Do I have permission to do this? Or will it make you feel exposed, like your standing in your underwear over a sprinkler is a yard that appears to be…..where? I have no idea where this photo was taken? Our crazy parents and their life before they split up! You probably know more about this than me. I assume when this was taken I was pooping my pants somewhere inside imaginary house. Awesome.

Speaking of embarrassing and being artsy-crafty, how emo is this photo I took OF A PHOTO?!?!? Even though it’s from a distance and super emo, I still think I captured the essence of our childhood: we’re wearing matching t-shirts and Tevas, and you’re grabbing your crotch a la Michael Jackson. I look like Madonna, and of course, my teal headband is fab-u-lous. And lastly, people probably thought Mom was crazy for making her children pose like this in public, which she is.

So, there you have it. We toads need to correspond more, set a time for me to come visit/become a Chinese movie star, and get ourselves to a bar to drink sake and yuk it up. (Um….that’s Japanese though….damn! I can never get it right!!) Regardless, it will be a barrell of laughs, as it always is when we hang out and go to Maroon 5 concerts together. The proof is in the pudding.

ohmygod HAR HAR HAR we’re on a lifeguard stand HAR HAR HAR!!!